The Three Levels of Conversation Every Team Should Know
I remember a time when I was working with a team on a project that should have been straightforward. We were discussing a minor issue—something about how a piece of work had been handled. Half the team seemed to think it was a big deal, while the newer members were surprised by the level of disagreement over what they saw as a trivial matter. The atmosphere in the room was tense, and it wasn’t clear why such a small issue was causing so much friction.
As the conversation dragged on, I realised what was happening: we were having the wrong discussion. The team members that have been around since the team formation, weren’t just reacting to the immediate issue; they were frustrated because this behaviour had been observed before. We were stuck talking about the content—this single instance—when the real problem was the pattern that was emerging. This behaviour had been addressed in the past, but here it was again, rearing its head and disrupting our work.
It wasn’t until I recognised this that I understood why the discussion felt so unproductive. We weren’t talking about what really mattered. We were treating a recurring issue as if it were a one-off event, and that was why the conversation felt so off. It was a classic case of missing the forest for the trees.
This experience taught me a valuable lesson about how we approach conversations in the workplace. When you don’t address the right level of the problem, you end up in a loop, having the same conversation over and over. That’s where the concept of CPR—Content, Pattern, and Relationship—comes in.
“The formulation of a problem is often more essential than its solution.”
Albert Einstein
Content: The Immediate Issue
The first time a problem occurs, it’s usually about the content—the immediate pain point. This could be something like a missed deadline, an error in a report, or a disagreement in a meeting. When you address the content, you’re talking about what happened and why it’s a problem.
For example, imagine your colleague didn’t deliver the data you needed for your presentation. The content of your conversation would be about that specific instance—why the data was late and how it affected your work. This is often the easiest conversation to have because it’s focused on a single event. The first time that the problem arise, talk about the content.
Pattern: The Emerging Trend
When the same issue arises multiple times, you’ve moved from content to pattern. Now, it’s not just about one late report; it’s about a recurring issue. Patterns indicate that there’s a deeper problem—maybe your colleague is consistently overwhelmed or there’s a breakdown in your team’s communication process.
Addressing the pattern means pointing out the trend and discussing why it’s happening. You’re no longer just talking about one instance; you’re talking about the fact that this issue is becoming a habit. This is where many conversations stall because people feel uncomfortable acknowledging that a problem is not just a one-off but a recurring issue.
It can be tricky to decide when to shift from focusing on content to recognising a pattern. You might worry that you’re overreacting if you start to see a pattern after just a couple of occurrences. But it’s important to address patterns early and openly, before they become ingrained. A useful way to think about it is this: The first time something happens, it’s an isolated incident. The second time, it might be a coincidence. But by the third time, it’s likely a pattern.
Relationship: The Underlying Trust
If patterns continue unchecked, they start to affect relationships. This is the deepest level of conversation and often the hardest to navigate. When you reach this point, it’s no longer just about the late reports or the missed meetings; it’s about what those patterns have done to your trust in the person or your perception of their competence.
Relationship-level conversations are about the bigger picture—how the repeated issues are changing the way you work together. Maybe you’re starting to doubt whether your colleague respects your time or whether you can rely on them at all. These are the conversations that, when handled well, can lead to meaningful change. But if ignored, they can cause long-lasting damage to your working relationships.
Why CPR Matters
The real value of CPR is that it gives you a framework to diagnose what’s really going on. Instead of getting stuck in unproductive conversations that don’t address the core issue, you can unbundle the problem and choose the right level to address.
Here’s a quick example. Let’s say you’ve noticed that a team member frequently misses deadlines. The first time, you might talk about the content—why the deadline was missed. The second time you observe, the third time you notice it’s becoming a pattern, so you discuss why this keeps happening. If it continues, you might find that it’s affecting your trust in them, which means it’s time for a relationship-level conversation.
Understanding and using CPR in your workplace can help you avoid the frustration of talking in circles. It helps you get to the root of issues faster, ensuring that your conversations lead to real solutions rather than just temporary fixes.
So, next time you’re in a crucial conversation, ask yourself: Are we talking about content, pattern, or relationship? And are we addressing the right level? This simple shift in approach can make all the difference in how effectively you communicate at work.